This is a guide to telling the shambastukaz and shagmodoz in the city…and also for the urban folks who don’t know just where they are..
1. The nearest urban centre is a town. Don’t get me wrong,it may be as big as E-town or as backward as G-town. If you are still floating after reading this, wewe ni mshao..and nope! I will not take it back.
2. As you walk around,you’ll probably see some hairstyles that you’ve put some months back…and if you are lucky, you’ll see it abundance… If you do have the style and spot it on three mamaz along your way, kindly walk into the nearest I.C.U..cuz yuz a R-U-M!!!! Especially if you and your BFF have the same style..yiiiiikes
3. If the population of animals surpasses that of humans..hehe
Go say hi to grandma. Tell her you miss her.
Ps. Not all bipedal organisms are humans…Beware!!!
4.Mother-tongue. If there’s a lot of free-flowing exchange of the nashono raguej or the nasono languange or whatever else….
5. When a 14 seater Mat fills 21 persons and terms like sambaza are in use, then that certainly isn’t urban. A bonus is when the “mat” has no single upgrade and the stations being tuned are very foreign…you have never heard of their existence.
6. The outfits..Let’s face it,standing out isn’t cool. Unless it is christmas or April fools, cuz it get’s worse on Valz..please don’t dress to kill on 14th Feb..It is a no-go zone…
Standing out in the jungle/city= Something wrong
Standing out in the shamba/town= something wrong
Either way, when you know what you are doing,you’ll dress for the occasion..
My point,kaa unastand-out juu nguo zako ni rare…uko ocha.
7. It takes 15 minutes or more to get to a tarmac road on foot..or you use a boda to get to a stage before you go to tao.
8. KTN,NTV and/or Citizen are the only channels that are available on telly (if they even get tuned).
This is only Minus cable by the way.
9. Network proboz ..although this daen always apply. Some of us still get on trees to get coverage. On this point, if no one around you knows what Wi-Fi is…or refer you to tao..
10. If someone picks up a phone and yells out loud such that you can make out the entire conversation and this occurence is repeated with different individuals,well….
If you still don’t think uko ocha,na ukishuka kwa stage uliengulfiwa na a cloud of dust….you are a blonde.
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